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  • Koko

Let's Talk Boundaries: Ghosting

I think we may have all heard or even used the new "trendy" term, "ghosting" when a person doesn't make contact or maybe even disappears out of a person's life without warning. These are the more extreme cases of ghosting that I've heard talked about a lot recently; this leaves people feeling confused, hurt, and maybe even abandoned. I think in most scenarios, ghosting is referred to in relationships or dating but ghosting can also happen within friendships too. And to me, this is a crossing of boundaries.

Here's why-

Clearly, if you're investing time and energy into getting to know someone romantically, having no explanation as to why they vanished is very insulting. It's a distasteful way of avoiding having to express why you two may not be compatible and that is closure that you rightfully deserve after making such an effort with someone. Having a conversation about breaking things off might be very difficult but if it's not had, there's a lot of unanswered questions that may have you finding it's harder to heal. By that person not considering your side of this situation and how it may effect you, is a rather emotionally hurtful violation of boundaries.

In the instances of friendship, let's create a scenario- If you decide to make plans with a friend but the day of the plans they don't show up, don't call or text to explain their absence, and/or blatantly just ignore you- this is extremely disrespectful to your time and feelings. Therefore, again violating your boundaries.

This isn't to say that your friend didn't have a legitimate or understandable reason for their absence or lack of contact, but that makes it all the more necessary for them to let you know as soon as possible why they weren't able to make it. You being the good friend that you are, will more than likely have no problem with being understanding and calling off those plans. This is an example of you then respecting their boundaries and giving them the space they need to handle whatever it may have been that kept them from attending.

For some people, this may seem very trivial and not something that should be taken so personally. However, anytime that your feelings, time, and/or energy are not being taken into consideration is a time where your boundaries are not being valued. Your boundaries are of tremendous value thought, they deserve to be enforced and seen at all times.

Being an HSP, I've had to learn how to hold my own and speak up when my boundaries are crossed in this way. It can be a delicate situation when dealing with ghosting in friendships, but by explaining how their actions hurt me and felt like a disrespect, almost everyone I have said this too can understand why it wasn't ok. Not everyone will though, but this makes it easier for me to determine what people I want to devote my time and energy to!

I hope that if you've ever gone through this or may have even done the ghosting yourself, that you now have a better understanding on how to enforce and respect boundaries in this type of situation!

Stay Smiling!

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